day two -- scattered stones

December 2, 2008

I have a friend, for anonymity’s sake, let’s call her Maryann. Maryann is an accomplished CPA in her late thirties. Her undergrad major was accounting – and I would imagine her GPA was competitive. During college, she did an internship at a small competitive firm doing accounting work. Every subsequent job post college has taken her higher up the chain of accounting. She worked diligently to pass the CPA exam and accrue the necessary hours as quick as possible. If professional experiences were stones – Maryann would have a very large pile of them all embossed clearly with word accounting on them.

I on the other hand, have a varied collection of stones with many different words written on them. Some have the word theology faintly written while others have the words professional ministry bolded in all caps. There are some written in Spanish and others still in Chinese characters, Sanskrit and Swahili. Some have been finger-painted by kindergarteners while some have been tagged by at-risk teens. There is a small pile of contemporary history I keep near the back. There are a few that are total randos – including grant-writing, mentoring college students, family systems, working as a barista, ESL teacher, non-profit work, homelessness, Latin American studies, writer, mosaic maker and minor artist.

My scattered stones for the most part feel like a hill of beans compared to Maryann’s deep and rich bucket. What is a scattered stone type like me to do when at a professional crossroads? And let’s face it, this is not the first of such life-crisisses I have faced – by my count it is officially number three. Some might say two, while others could make a fair case for life crisis number four. While there is something quasi romantic about the prospect of once again reinventing myself I can’t help but feel jealous of Maryann’s clear path afforded by her uniform pile. I am tired of zigzagging. Why, when the proverbial cards were dealt was I stuck with tortured soul, underachiever and wanderer? Just for a few rounds I would like over-achiever, driven and motivated.